Day Four, 2025

 Baby it's Cold outside

Which didn't stop me from taking the daily walk but it did shorten it to two blocks and made it impossible to share the walk with soul dog.  Big point here is that I kept my word to myself.  It's not a perfect 45 minute jaunt (it only lasted 10 minutes) but the heart was pumping as I hustled and shielded my face from the bitter wind.  Not perfect, but we're striving for progress not perfection.

I've challenged myself with a dollar store journal daily draw challenge as well and let me tell you NONE of those things will be framed but I'm actually trying to experiment instead of just avoiding things that I don't do well.  It is not easy to see how crap I am at this but it's just for me.  I'm not trying to impress anyone.  

My decision to just try and love myself instead of looking for ways I don't measure up (short walks don't count, only paint if yu have a picture in mind, etc) and then not dwelling on those things is so refreshing and uncomfortable and new and weird.  Which just reminds me that I've always liked the word weird and looked admiringly at the folks who seem so comfortable in their own skin that they just Do what they feel.  I think I might finally become one of 'those' 'weird' people and I'm freaking excited about it.  

I think my mum would have said it's about time because she always marched to her own tune and didn't seem to worry about other peoples thoughts very much.  Should I dedicate this to her, make this action about her or is it ok that I'm thinking this is just a happy coincidence - caused by me having kids of an age where I'm no longer needed as much as I was and I can focus on myself.

Honestly Who Cares.  I'm deciding to love myself and it it weren't for me trying to come up with daily things to write about all this would have just been a passing thought with 'heh, isn't that cool I might be someone I could like?' 

That word genuine has been in my head so much today.  I'm glad I have the chance to try.

C

Action VS Grief