Day Nineteen, 2025

 Quitter's day

According to Strava Quitter's Day this year is January 14th but I could have sworn I heard on a podcast earlier this week that quitters day was the 19th so I've been living in anticipation of this day.  So afraid that I would quit before most, as I think I've regularly done in the past, but it would appear that I've made it past the day in 2025 so 'wow', this year may be off to a good start - even if fueled with a bit of misinformation.  There's always room for improvement.

I feel like I've skated past things without really having a thorough knowledge most of my life.  I test well initially but freeze up in conversation and tests given after the initial study would likely be failed as I tend to rely on my notes.  It is more of a self assurance thing than a stupidity thing.  More like I don't have the confidence of my knowledge when faced with someone outside of my immediate family.

Is this a people pleaser's curse or do I have a learning disability? - honestly, it's probably a bit of both.  I have some pretty reliable coping skills but there is a fear that I'll be asked a direct question & I'll freeze up.

This is something that needs to change.

I had been taking courses to grow in my profession that I've delayed this semester as there is a large transition happening at work that I need to focus on.  Also, I think I still hate school.  Like learning, hate schooling - because of the tests.

Likely not the only one but I am the only one living between these ears so it tends to effect my outlook.

Possibly I can create some sort of structure using AI to start practising things myself before the next course.  Not sure how I'll get that done but knowing myself when I start I should make it a daily practice.  At this point I'm only focused on not quitting/missing the daily walk challenge.  

So I'll keep my word on the walk challenge, and build on that progress, instead of starting every year with 10 goals and having most of those drop off before the second week is complete.  This is my new approach.  Not 75 hard, not 75 soft - just the 1 thing building block and be patient with myself method.

Heck of a lot less glamorous but I'm just a regular, average sort & I have mostly time wasting/bad habits at this point - maybe I can crowd those out one by one.

It's not as if I don't know all the things I should be doing, I just avoid them and conveniently forget the knowledge when netflix, snuggle and chill is an option (it's always on offer, ffs)

Here's to steps in the right direction

C

Action VS Grief