Day Forty-Five, 2025

 Love given

It was too easy to let my guard down many years ago to J.  

I had been waiting for someone to love me and thank goodness its worked out so far.  I can only imagine how many times this could have gone wrong because I let myself be vulnerable.  This vulnerability/ability to admit when I've mucked up to a person who's capable of doing the same is probably why it's worked out.

It is so easy to keep myself guarded and in most cases I stand behind that wall (happy it's up) but each time I start to think about my luck, in the life I've built with J, I sit back a little flabbergasted to be quite frank.  

I feel unworthy and I think he does see where I lack and chooses to love me anyway.  He must.

The judgy bitch voice inside of me sees my faults and she has the sin of noticing others faults as well.  Mostly she should 'shut the front door' because she must be wrong 95% of the time as I spin around in there with emotions.  However, no one is wrong all the time - lord knows she is right about me and my lacking.

Anyway it's Valentine's and I'm spending another year hoping my kids have luck in their choices and the ability to be wide open with those choices.  Even and especially with themselves.

I heard Mel Robbins quote another saying The greatest love story should be with ourselves.

So I wish us all an epic love story with ourselves and someone to stand beside while they love themselves just as much - if you want that.  Hopefully the love will reflect and affect your ability to truly see that other so you can appreciate them as well.

C

Action VS Grief